One of the great shames of my life is how utterly terrible I am at all of the two-dimensional Super Mario games. I never beat any of them until this past week, and even now the games remain a hassle for me, and I’m still trying to understand why.
That first 2D Mario game I just finished was the first New Super Mario Bros. for the DS. Upon discussing my accomplishment, people have told me that this is actually the easiest of the side-scrolling Mario games and one of the least popular. When people rank all the games in terms of difficulty the only other one I’ve even nearly finished – Super Mario Land 2: Six Golden Coins, usually comes up right next to NSMB. So basically, I apparently still can’t beat the “real” Mario games.
What’s most frustrating about it all is that everyone tells me how easy the old games are; like they’re shocked I can’t beat them. I can’t even say that it’s current generation gaming that’s got me softened because I’ve been playing and finishing quite a few older games as of recent. I even beat Demon’s Souls and I can’t beat any of the 2D Mario games.
It hasn’t been for lack of trying either. I’ve owned all the older Mario games and periodically returned to them over the course of something like 20 years now. They aren’t new to me, I’ve just always sucked at them. Even the supposedly “easy” NSMB felt like a serious challenge that I was only able to overcome after an abnormal amount of frustration.
Oh I’m perfectly fine with the 3D Mario games. I’ve beaten all of them and unlocked nearly all of their secrets. I think it’s because those games move at a slower pace and because they give you an actual health bar. The whole “one-hit-kill” thing keeps me on-edge, and makes it really easy for me to get angry at the 2D Mario games whenever I die.
Right now I’m trying to get through the original Super Mario Bros. on Virtual Console, and somehow worlds 5 and 6 seem to be beating me on a psychological level. They have me yelling at the TV as I jump straight into like the second pitfall. The only reason I’m even able to stick around those levels is because of the 27-year-old Start+A continue cheat that I only just discovered last week!
That’s another thing: I seem to have missed even fundamental aspects of the game. How the hell are you supposed to deal with Lakitus?! Whether they show up in NSMB or the original SMB I just can’t deal with them. I find it incredibly unfair that they respawn as soon as you actually manage to kill one. And I still can’t figure out how to get to the contents of those item boxes at the beginning of each castle level in SMB. Y’know, the ones sitting above the spinning flames. Maybe people tell me all this stuff is easy because they learned it when they were five-years old. It’s probably like being able to perform all Ryu’s moves in Street Fighter to a lot of people.
At any rate, I’m probably going to forge ahead in the original SMB until I feel numb from the veritable brick wall that I’m trying to break through, skip SMB2 (US version) because I didn’t like that game, buy SMB3 on Virtual Console, then finish up my original copy of Super Mario World, then skip Yoshi’s Island because I didn’t really enjoy that game back in the day either. Heck, the only reason I’m even able to make any progress in Super Mario Land is because of the permanent save states that the 3DS Virtual Console allots you. Just a little while ago I realized that I’d never seen anything beyond world 3 in that game.
I don’t think I need to be buying New Super Mario Bros. 2 any time soon, much less New Super Mario Bros. U when the Wii U launches.
- Oh crap. Looks like Rayman Legends really could become a Wii U system seller to people who know what’s going on: http://t.co/gJAevK9i
- So… the selling point for the Madden 13 is its new “Infinity Engine,” which has the same name as the engine that BioWare developed for Baldur’s Gate in 1998. So… BioWare working on Madden now? It would make sense if you ask me.
- I think it’s kinda strange that so much technology has changed in the last 15-20 years, but in 2012 I’m still having to keep around Duracell batteries for some things.